How to Raise the Perfect Child
American parents have never faced a shortage of advice on how to raise their children. Since about 1750, they have been bombarded with childcare manuals full of instructions on producing model offspring. But what, exactly, is the Perfect Child, and how do you create one? The answers have varied widely from one era to the next. New England Puritans had their obedient and blessed little souls, the Victorians their innocent lambs. Reformers at the beginning of the 20th century urged production of the “scientific” baby, trained on a strict schedule to fit into his parents’ lives. In the 1930s, the influence of modern psychology stressed the small child’s emotional well being, and after World War II parents were constantly urged to keep parent-child interactions “fun.” Current-day parents are encouraged to maximize their children’s development by providing an array of activities and educational opportunities.
Adults-in-Training
In the American Colonies, nearly half of the babies born alive died before they were five years old. There were no childcare manuals, and medical knowledge remained limited. Parents tried to keep their babies safe by following Biblical guidelines or traditional practices. The New England Puritans were especially strict in their religious beliefs. They felt that babies were born sinful and in a subhuman state. The child must be taught early on to walk, talk, reason and function as much as possible as an adult. The truly loving parent used strict discipline to lead the child away from evil and toward salvation. This was done from the moment of birth, since no one knew when the baby might die.
The colonial household paid little heed to any differences between the needs of adults and those of children. Besides a cradle, there was little special equipment for child care. Colonial parents followed the ancient tradition of swaddling babies from birth until the age of four or five months. Swaddling meant to gently pull the baby’s legs and arms straight, then to wrap its entire body tightly in long strips of linen. This was meant to guarantee that the child would grow straight and tall. In those days before central heating and baby-proofed houses, swaddling kept the baby warm and out of harm’s way in a busy, crowded household. Children were encouraged to stand and walk as soon as possible, and were quickly introduced to adult food, household chores and strict religious practices.
The industrial Revolution began to affect daily life after 1750, and new ideas in child-rearing began to evolve. A number of new childcare manuals began to appear. These were intended for parents who were literate and prosperous enough to consider new methods of developing their child’s character. The writings of the philosophers John Locke and Jean-Jacques Rousseau helped to popularize the idea of the “natural child.” They encouraged the idea that children began life not as sinful beings, but as pure creatures. If sheltered from bad influences, children would naturally develop in a good way. Locke and Rousseau and their followers urged parents to allow children close contact with nature and to toughen them with a routine of daily cold baths and plain diet based largely on water, brown bread, and other simple foods.
Strict adoption of these ideas was not widespread, but the late 1700s, people were beginning to accept the new idea that “childhood” was a natural stage between infancy and adulthood. Experts made concessions to needs of children that might differ from those of adults. William P. Deweese, author of one popular manual, told parents that it was all right to allow children to play. In fact, play must actually be encouraged as a way to help the child develop. Deweese recommended simple but entertaining toys such as checkers and slates, with a rocking horse to be pulled out on special occasions. New styles in clothing also reflected more flexible attitudes toward children. Swaddling was abandoned, and toddlers no longer were dressed in corsets and tight bodices. Young girls wore loose dresses, and boys found new freedom in the stylish jacket and trouser outfits known as “hussar suits.”
Little Angels
Increasing industrialization and urbanization in the early 1800s brought with it a growing middle-class population. The typical household before this time relied on the labor of all family members to sustain a farm or other home-based production. With the growth of the middle-class, more households were supported by the labor of the father, who worked away from the home for large parts of each day. The role of the typical wife became much more focused on running the house and raising the children.
Advice on child-rearing was no longer left to the doctors, ministers and philosophers of earlier years. The growing popular press provided an abundance of help and advice for mothers. New periodicals such as Babyhood, Mother’s Magazine, and Parents’ Assistant ran articles on child care and education. A large selection of new child-rearing manuals appeared, including such classics as Jacob Abbott’s Gentle Measures in the Management. From guides like these the mother learned how to achieve the proper balance of authority and leniency in guiding her children through their development. She also learned, through ever-increasing print advertisements, which foods, drugs and other products would best serve her nurturing role. Children were becoming, more than ever before, the center of the household, and child care was fast becoming an industry, propelled by specialized publications, products and advertising.
During this era, the popular image of both mother and children became increasingly idealized. Children were often portrayed as innocent little angels who needed to be sheltered from the harsh realities of the adult world. Clothing, furnishings, and recommended amusements reflected these attitudes. Infants and small babies were dressed in white gowns. Boys and girls under the age of seven were dressed alike, usually in a short frock and angle-length pantaloons. These genderless outfits tended to reinforce the idea of innocence and to imply an ignorance of sex that was reassuring to parents. The trend was away from physical punishments and toward providing a comfortable, safe environment for children. The typical family house began to include a room set aside especially for children’s activities, and much attention was given to furnishing a proper nursery or playroom. High chairs, introduced around 1830, allowed the small child to be seated at the table with others, and baby swings kept the child safe while allowing physical activity. Baby furnishings became much more ornate. Highly-decorated bassinets and perambulators came into fashion and provided a lovely setting in which to present the child to the world at large. More toys, many of them mass-manufactured, were available than ever before, and children received an abundance of playthings. Girls’ toys tended to be related to domestic concerns—dolls, tea sets, and so forth. Boys were allowed rowdier, more active play, often outdoors. Both sexes were encouraged to use “educational” toys such as puzzles, books and spelling boards.
The Scientific Baby
Americans entered the 20th century with high hopes for the future. Everything seemed possible through science and technology. Scientific management and mass manufacturing seemed to work well for industrial production—why not apply regularity, systemization and repetition to the upbringing of children as well?
The most popular manual for scientific child rearing was The Care and Feeding of Children by Dr. Luther Emmett Holt, published in 1894. Holt gave detailed, step-by-step instructions for every aspect of child care. The mother was expected to keep detailed records of all that she and the baby did, in order to establish a consistent schedule and habits. Influenced by advances in medical knowledge, the experts encouraged cleanliness, nutritious food and keeping meticulous records of the baby’s growth.
The relationship between parent and child was based on adapting the baby to the adult’s wishes and timetable. Emotional ties were discouraged, since they might lead to leniency and a spoiled baby. Dr. Holt even went so far as to assert that “babies under six months old should never be played with, and the less of it at any time the better.” Many people may have resisted this removed attitude, but progressive “scientific” practices did without a doubt bring great improvements in child health and comfort. Pasteurization of milk and the maintenance of sanitary public water systems were encouraged and even mandated by federal and state governments. Due in part to government programs, popular knowledge of health issues increased. Children benefited from better general hygiene, control of infectious diseases and purer foods. More practical clothing became the norm as sunshine, fresh air and outdoor play were encouraged. By 1905, loose one-piece rompers became available as play-clothes for both sexes, replacing the cumbersome dresses of earlier years.
Babies Are People, Too
Reaction to the regimentation of “scientific babies” came with a new childcare manual published in 1938—Babies are Human Beings by Anderson and Mary Aldrich. The Aldriches emphasized natural differences in personality among babies and encouraged following the baby’s lead in providing appropriate care. This new “expert opinion” no doubt was a relief to many parents, as it actually encouraged enjoying the baby.
Psychology and psycho-analytic theory had begun to influence the advice given to parents. For example, the proper role for the mother was increasingly seen as meeting the emotional needs of the child, not just providing a constant check on its bad habits. Child-rearing manuals began to emphasize flexibility and paying attention to the emotional life of the child.
Beginning in the 1920s, specialists such as Dr. Arnold Gesell began to study children’s development. They noted common physical and mental processes that might limit the extent to which parents could shape children. Gesell studied children in action and established standard benchmarks in their development. He laid these out for parents in several popular works including The First Five Years, and The Child from Five to Ten. These and similar books informed parents about developmental stages common to all children, and gave parents check-points against which to judge the progress of their own children.
Boomer Babies
The publication of Dr. Benjamin Spock’s Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care in 1946 coincided with the beginning of the “baby boom,” an era of high birth rates that lasted until the mid-1960s. Spock’s book has remained a best-seller through its many editions and has greatly influenced child-rearing in America. The social and political upheaval of the 1960s and 70s led to criticism of Spock’s emphasis on permissiveness with children. Actually, concentration on the baby’s happiness and gratification began in the 1930s. Childcare experts, under the influence of new trends in psychology, denied the possibility of spoiling a child and emphasized the right of the baby to follow his or her own natural development. This attitude was reinforced during World War II, when strict discipline came to be equated with Nazi authoritarianism, and freedom to choose (even on the part of an infant) with Democracy.
The booming economy during the post-war years no doubt contributed to an indulgent attitude toward children. Consumers enjoyed their unprecedented ability to buy all sorts of new and fascinating products, from automobiles to homes. The boom in consumer goods extended even to childcare items and children’s toys. Parents could buy more and more items specific to child-rearing, and cheap toys became available in abundance. New products and labor saving devices enabled mothers of the 1950s and 60s to spend more time than ever before with their small children. Adults as well as children became accustomed to a more consumer-oriented, self-indulgent lifestyle.
The Regimented Child
Beginning in the 1970s, popular child-rearing advice and products began to emphasize the parents’ role in maximizing the child’s intellectual and social development. This trend continues, with parents being encouraged to provide stimulation and opportunities for their children from a very young age, beginning perhaps with such items as black-and-white nursery décor intended to focus the infant’s attention and increase development of visual perception skills. The effort to provide children with every possible opportunity has led to what some child-care experts now call the “overscheduled child” and “hyper-parenting.” The mass media, from magazines to television, urge parents to involve their children in everything from infant swimming classes to soccer to accelerated reading programs. At the same time, parents are admonished to protect their children from every conceivable danger through the diligent use of such items as house-hold baby-proofing devices, car seats, bicycle helmets and nursery surveillance equipment.
Fashions in parenting, as in many other areas of American life, have changed greatly over the years. We can see some common and persistent themes in child-rearing, however. No matter what techniques and equipment they use, parents continue to try to bring up healthy, tolerable children who can function competently in the world and be a credit to their Moms and Dads.
--ALBUM vol.15, no. 4 (fall 2002)